This is a Craigslist posting from 2007, “What Happened to All the Nice Guys?”
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.
[ ]…You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
The post could just as easily have been called what happened to all the nice girls. One explanation for the nice guys predicament – we’ll assume he has a genuine predicament for the moment – is nice guys are boring. Jerks, bad boys and aggressive egotists are at least interesting. Interesting is better than nice. This is true, but also a subjective preference and a matter of perception. Some women – lets say some people – like nice people and some people like obnoxious people. Obnoxious people do not see themselves as obnoxious they see themselves as charming – watch reality TV for proof. And while we all have our moments it is usually no use trying to be something you’re not – nice people trying to act like bad boys or bad girls – or the opposite. Ultimately you’re going to get caught – a situation will arise in which the real you makes an appearance – over a spilled glass of water at a restaurant, over a parking space dispute or simply failing to do something that personality is expected to do. Something is going to give you away. Ultimately which ever way one’s personalty tilts – trying to be the opposite is an emotional drain. And a big lie. You’ve been acting, playing a role or some people will think, a con. What nice guys/gals eventually realize – most of the time anyway and they should if they do not – is that you never got out of the friend zone for a reason. You’re better off. Whatever little spark the relationship required just wasn’t there, and if you would have somehow ended up together – you would have been living a delusion. This is especially true for the nice person that had a thing for someone that was into bad boys/girls. It might takes years to get over them, but one day the light will go off – what was I thinking.
Whether its 1407 or 2007 one thing about what initiates relations is still true. Attractive people hook up with attractive people. Even attractive heterosexual men are attracted to attractive men – Can’t take my eyes off you: FSU study shows the power of attraction.
A follow-up to this post on Miranda Rights and the public-safety exception – Should Congress Codify The Public-Safety Exception to Miranda for Terrorism Cases? One reason for the follow-up is this headline – Obama plan would delay probable cause hearings to allow uninterrupted interrogations. It makes it sound as though something nefarious is going on. The issue definitely has room for arguments for and against, but it is hardly a dark conspiracy. Or put another way if this was the Bush administration or the McCain for that matter they would simply decide that the unitary theory of executive authority gave them the power to use the public safety exception as the standard, not the exception. The Bush administration did in fact violate Miranda in several instances. Those include José Padilla and many of the detainees at Gitmo. President Obama is going to Congress and asking them to legislate the exception for terror suspects. Again there is some who think its bad idea, ripe for abuse. I don’t have a link for it, but I saw Senator Leahy(D) on TV the other day he seems to think it is a bad idea. The courts will likely nullify legislated expansion of the public safety exception when challenged.